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Funny & Stupid Customer Stories – Not Always Right

Not Always Right


Talking Udder Nonsense

Posted: 05 Sep 2016 08:00 PM PDT

Supermarket | UK

(A frosty customer comes in, and asks for the dairy-free brochure. I oblige and talk her through some of our more popular dairy-free dishes, sorted by meat. It’s late in the day and I’m not feeling my best; needless to say, I let myself slip a bit.)

Me: “This [beef dish] here is dairy free.”

Customer: “How can it be?”

Me: “Because it doesn’t contain any dairy products.”

Customer: “But beef is cows and cows are dairy? So how can you possibly claim that?!”

Me: “Well, as it’s beef, it is indeed cows, but it doesn’t have any milk products”

Customer: “But all cows are dairy!”

Me: *accidentally saying with a sarcastic tone* “Only the female ones, madam.”

(At this point I think that the lady is going to have a go at me; her face is creased and her brows are furrowed. I realise instantly that I’ve said something without thinking. Suddenly her face brightens.)

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay, then; I just didn’t want any dairy.”

(She grabbed the meal and rushed to the till. Phew! I escaped that one!)

The post Talking Udder Nonsense appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

The Gift-Shop That Keeps On Giving

Posted: 05 Sep 2016 06:00 PM PDT

Hotel | FL, USA

Me: “Good morning! How can I help you?”

Guest: “Yes, I need to buy a shot glass.”

Me: “All right, we have a gift shop to your right that has many varieties.”

Guest: “Where is it?”

Me: “Right around the corner.” *I motion in the direction*

(Five minutes later, the guest comes right to the front of the line, distraught.)

Guest: “Can you help me? I still cannot find the gift shop!”

(I walk around my desk and point directly at the gift shop which is rather large. A few moments later the guest brings a shot glass and a shirt to my desk.)

Guest: “I’d like to buy this.”

Me: “Sir, the checkout is within the gift shop.”

Guest: “Oh, where’s the gift shop?”

The post The Gift-Shop That Keeps On Giving appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

Tip More Than Just My Hat To You

Posted: 05 Sep 2016 04:00 PM PDT

Retail | TX, USA

(I work at a pretty well-known electronics retailer that has been around for a long time. Every now and then we will get several customers asking for technical advice on old technology. One afternoon an older gentleman comes in, walks to the counter where I am and takes out an old flip phone.)

Customer: “I can’t seem to get this useless thing to come on. I’ve tried everything!”

Me: “Let me take a look at it.”

(Customer hands me the flip phone. I hold the “end” button to power on the device. When that does not work, I figure the battery is dead so I proceed to plug in a spare charger we keep behind the counter. Lo and behold, the device comes on.)

Me: “Looks like it just needed to be recharged!”

Customer: “What did you do?”

Me: “It just needed to be plugged in.”

Customer: “That’s it? Wow! Thank you so much! How much do I owe you?”

Me: *smiling* “Free of charge!”

Customer: “Well, let me at least tip you for the trouble.”

Me: “No need; I’m just happy I could help.”

Customer: “Let me at least buy you lunch. I insist!”

(The older gentleman then laid $7 on the counter and left before I could decline. Made my day.)

The post Tip More Than Just My Hat To You appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

Getting A Good Customer Is A Lottery

Posted: 05 Sep 2016 02:00 PM PDT

Grocery Store | IL, USA

(It’s is Sunday morning and I am working the front desk of a grocery store that has a lottery machine. A woman approaches the desk; she has a way over-the-top, annoyingly positive attitude.)

Woman: *through a beaming smile* “I’d like the winning numbers to the lottery drawing, please. I heard there was a winner and I want to see if I won!”

(I look at her ‘ticket’ and see it isn’t a lottery ticket. It is a printout of winning numbers from previous drawings. They print these up on the same paper as the regular tickets.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am, you already have the winning numbers there…”

Woman: “I know! I bought this from [Gas Station down the street] and I feel lucky!”

Me: “No, no… You don’t understand. You already have a printout of winning numbers.”

Woman: “I know!”

(Then it hits me. She went into the gas station and, as a joke, said she wants ‘the winning lottery numbers’; the clerk behind the counter took her literally, and gave her a printout of the winning numbers. She has no clue she doesn’t have a valid lottery ticket.)

Me: “Here, let me show you what I mean.”

(I print out a copy of the most recent previous drawings. Needless to say, the two ‘tickets’ are identical.)

Me: “This is a printout of the winning numbers…”

(As I’m explaining this, she compares her ‘ticket’ with the one I just gave her. Then her eyes get wide.)

Woman: “I WON!! I WON! Look, look, all the numbers match. I can’t believe I won! I WON! I WON!”

Me: “Ma’am? Your ‘ticket’ isn’t a ticket.”

Woman: “WHAT?! Yes, it is! I bought this at the gas station…”

(I print up a valid ticket and show it to her.)

Me: “Valid tickets have the barcode on the bottom of them and the date they are good for.”

Woman: “But I paid for this!”

Me: “Then you’d better go back there and get your money back.”

(She turns to leave but then turns back.)

Woman: “But all my numbers match.”

(The kicker to this story was I bought the ticket I printed up to use as an example and it won a lower tiered prize. I didn’t mind pocketing $80.00 the next weekend!)

The post Getting A Good Customer Is A Lottery appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

At Least He Doesn’t Discriminate

Posted: 05 Sep 2016 12:00 PM PDT

Grocery Store | NY, USA

(I’m a 22 year old male and I work as a bagger, or “service clerk,” at a chain grocery store. One night, at roughly four in the morning, a man comes up to the line. He has with him a baseball bat, a cucumber, some cough spray that numbs the back of the throat, preparation H wipes, and a box of condoms.)

Customer: *leans over the belt and waggles his eyebrows at the female cashier* “So, what are you doing after work?”

Cashier: *immediately goes on the defensive* “Going home and spending some time with my boyfriend.”

Customer: *looks defeated, then looks over at me* “What about you?”

The post At Least He Doesn’t Discriminate appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

When Sugary Doesn’t Mean Sweet, Part 2

Posted: 05 Sep 2016 10:00 AM PDT

Ice Cream Shop | Philadelphia, PA, USA

Customer: “I’ll take a vanilla ice cream on a waffle cone, please.”

Me: *walks over and grabs a waffle cone*

Customer: “No, not that cone. A WAFFLE Cone.”

Me: *goes and grabs a wafer cone*

Customer: “No, a WAFFLE CONE.”

Me: *grabs a sugar cone*

Customer: “Yes, that one.”

Me: “A sugar cone.”

(A few minutes later, the same customer comes up…)

Customer: “Watermelon on a waffle cone.”

Me: *goes straight for the sugar cone*

Customer: “Yes, finally you got it right.”

Related:
When Sugary Doesn’t Mean Sweet

The post When Sugary Doesn’t Mean Sweet, Part 2 appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

Hold For An Hourly Rate

Posted: 05 Sep 2016 08:00 AM PDT

Customer Service | St. Louis, MO, USA

(I work for a third-party seller/distributor of cellular phone service. It is the late 1990s, when cell phone service is just starting to transition from analog to digital in most states. Because a credit check and a contract is required to activate service, some customers are surprised when the credit check comes back that we require a monthly billing to their credit card, or worse, a $700 deposit. I take a call from a customer. After I run the credit check, I get the alert that he will need to pay a deposit or set up automatic payments.)

Customer: “What do you mean? My credit’s fine! Check it again!”

Me: *calmly* “I could check it again, sir, but it’s going to come back with the same result.”

Customer: *getting angry* “Well, it shouldn’t!”

Me: *still calm* “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir, but that’s what always happens when we get a report like this. In order for me to activate a line for you, I’ll either need to take down a deposit, or set up payments using a credit card.”

Customer: “I want to speak to your supervisor!”

Me: “I am one of the supervisors.”

Customer: “Then let me speak to somebody else!”

Me: “Sir, if I get you on the line with someone, they’re only going to tell you the exact same thing that I am.”

Customer: *yelling* “I DON’T CARE! Get me on the line with your supervisor!”

Me: *still calm* “All right, sir, no problem. Would you mind holding for just a minute?”

(We were always forced to ask permission to put people on hold, never tell them we were putting them on hold.)

Customer: *now irate* “I DON’T WANT TO BE PUT ON HOLD!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but in order for me to get you on the line with someone else, I need to place you on hold.”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting long enough, and I don’t want to wait anymore! I want to talk with someone else RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “I understand, sir. Let me place you on hold—”

Customer: “NO, D*** IT! Don’t you DARE place me on hold! This is a waste of my time! Do you know how much I make an hour?”

Me: *rolling my eyes* “No, sir, I don’t.”

Customer: “$350.00. I charge $350.00 per hour, and in the time I’m talking to you, I could be making money. You’re wasting my time, and I’m losing money!”

Me: *matter-of-factly* “Sir, do you want to know how much I make an hour?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: *taking authority on the line* “Too bad, sir. I make $9.00 an hour. And I’m telling you this to give you some perspective. Between the two of us, the only one that can help you get your service turned on IS ME. Frankly, I don’t care how much you make, and it doesn’t motivate me to give you better service than anyone else. So you can either let me place you on hold so I can get a supervisor, or I’ll be glad to end the call, and you can go to a local [Company] store and do this all over again with them.”

Customer: *silence*

Me: “I’m going to place you on hold now, okay?”

Customer: “Fine.”

The post Hold For An Hourly Rate appeared first on Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right.

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